I am a faulty string of blue Christmas lights.
"You can’t just make me different and then leave,” I said out loud to her. “Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you can’t just make me different and then die.” For she had embodied the Great Perhaps - she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. (…) You can’t just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different (…)."
John Green, Looking for Alaska